Shimmer
by BabyBrown
Summary: All Tommy has of Jude are a string of one night stands.  What happens when something changes?  Bad Summary. Set after Season 3
1. All That Shimmers, Fades Away

**_Hope you guys like this new fic! It's going to have five parts.

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All That Shimmers, Fades Away 

Tommy rolled over and stared at her. Beautiful blonde hair, cascading around her head like an angel's halo, was shining in the sunlight. He watched as his fingers, gently as so not to wake her, began to trace her face. Her fair cheeks; as smooth as silk and her pink lips; felt plump and soft underneath his fingers. He felt as if he had been given a goddess to love.

He momentarily stopped his exploration when he felt her begin to stir. In sleep, she had moved herself closer to his own body. Still seeking comfort in his arms. Chest to chest, Tommy couldn't help but smile at the way she felt against him. No one had ever had this effect on him and he knew nobody else ever will. "_Tommy"_ came his name, moaned softly, from her pink perfect lips. Tommy closed his eyes, making sure to memorize every single moment because he knew that once she awakens, none of this would matter. Tommy looked back down at her face. As her eyes began to flutter open he felt himself dreading the moment she would actually wake up.

Jude felt two strong arms wrap around her body. She secretly allowed herself more time to savor the moment. Finally, she opened her eyes and looked up at Tommy. His face had a small smile on his face but he said nothing, as if he was afraid any words spoken or movements made would break the spell they have been in. '_**Why can't I stay like this forever?**_' she let herself wonder. Jude frowned, that was not something she was going to do anymore. Getting back to her senses, she sat up and wrapped the bed sheet around her naked body. She could sense his disappointment but she couldn't let herself fall again. She had been through too much pain to let anyone else in ever again.

Tommy watched her figure walk quickly to the bathroom. He stared up at the ceiling and sighed deeply. '_**How did we get here?**_' Tommy asked himself. What he had once thought would become a beautiful relationship, had now been reduced to a series of one night stands that were too far and too few in between.


	2. We'll Forget the Past

_**We'll Forget the Past, or Maybe I'm Not Able**_

Still in bed, Tommy heard various sounds coming from the bathroom as Jude continued to lock herself in there. Staring up at the ceiling, he remembered back when it all started between them. Jude had finally made her choice and Tommy had gone to Thailand alone and heartbroken. In Thailand was where he had stayed for the next year trying to put the pieces of his heart back together. He admitted it was hard when he had come back home and had seen the two of them together like they were joined at the hip. But once he saw her happy, Tommy was finally able to let her go a little. That was all he wanted in the end; for Jude to be happy. Two years later, she and Jamie ended up walking down the aisle and Tommy was fine with it, even if he had to bite his tongue in order not to say anything in the middle of the ceremony. He promised himself that he would let her have her happiness and if it was with Jamie, so be it. The newlyweds seemed to be extremely happy but Tommy was the only one not fooled. She was growing miserable by the day and he could tell.

He cornered her when everyone else had gone home from the re-opened G Major and made her confess everything. She had finally admitted that the only reason she married Jamie was because he was safe and stable. At that confession, his hope began to grow but was momentarily halted when she confessed yes, she still loved Jamie and that she was trying really hard to make it work with him. Even though nothing else happened, a friendship had been reborn between them. Tommy helped her in any way that he could, even when she asked for his help with her relationship with Jamie. That part of the friendship was one part he really disliked but he kept his mouth shut. Jude needed someone to talk to and he wanted to be that person.

As the year went on her dependence on Tommy grew more and more as her relationship with Jamie began to deteriorate. Everything came to a head when Christmas time came around and Tommy noticed that she was trying every possible way to avoid Jamie. That was when it happened. One night was all it took to start them on their current course.

After G Major's annual Christmas Party, Jude and Tommy had decided to do some additional work on a song Darius was expecting in the next two days. Locking themselves away in Studio C, they went to work. He could feel the magnetic pull of her body as she stood over his shoulder, watching as he worked over her lyrics. He knew she had felt it too when she had placed her hand on his shoulder. All he did was turn around to face her and their relationship was changed forever. Every night after that, they had locked themselves away in the studio to '_**record**_'.

One day Jude had walked into the studio with a look on her face. Tommy didn't know what to make of the look until she had missed their late night "_**recording session**_". He then became a little worried when she had continued to miss their meetings that entire week. The next day he confronted her and forced her to tell him the truth. He expected her to say that Jamie had found out, anything but what had come out of her mouth. She had been avoiding him all week because she was pregnant. She was pregnant with Tommy's child. "_How can you be sure?" "Because Jamie and I haven't had sex in months._" Even though she was married to another man, Tommy felt a little happiness as he thought of Jude carrying his child. All his dreams seemed to come true when she told him that she wanted to leave Jamie in order to raise their child together. They were all set to tell him a few weeks later when Jude had begun complaining of stomach pains. She was rushed to the hospital where the doctor had told her she had miscarried. After that, Jude became a stone wall. She began to push everyone away; including Tommy. Jamie eventually found out about Jude and Tommy and moved out, filing for divorce the next day. Tommy tried, tried every way to get her to open up to him but nothing could get her out of the hole she was in.

Then she just disappeared. For months Tommy had no idea where she had gone and for months he waited for her to come back to him. Which she did. Jude had come back but she wasn't the same. In her place was a stone cold version of the woman he loved. When she came back, all she wanted from him was sex. Sex and nothing else. Tommy obliged because he still wanted her, even if it was only part of her. Whenever he approached the subject of their past or of creating a new future together, she would silence him using her body in the best way she knew how.

Tommy stood from the bed and put on a pair of boxers. He had noticed that Jude had been taking way too long in the bathroom. Knocking softly on the door, Tommy reached for the knob. "_Jude? You okay in there?"_ When his question was met with silence, he slowly opened the door. He saw her sitting in the middle of the bathroom holding a slender object in her hands. As she looked up from the object, he noticed tears in her usually dead eyes. "_What's that?"_ Jude stood and shoved the object in front of him.

"_I'm pregnant"_


	3. Love is For Fools

_"You're what?"_

Jude threw the test at his head "_I'm pregnant you jackass_." Tommy didn't know what to feel, so many thoughts running through his head. He knelt down in front of her. Cautiously he asked "_What are you going to do?_" Jude was still staring at the test. "_I don't know_." He began to sweat. "_Are you going to keep it_?" Jude stood and looked into his eyes. "_I don't know"_ He felt like he had been punched in the stomach. "_You-you don't know_?" For a moment Jude felt satisfaction at the pain in his eyes. A dark part of her began to surface. For the first time, she wanted to be the one to hurt another. "_Why should it matter to you? It might not even be yours_." Jude walked away, leaving Tommy wide eyed and speechless in the bathroom.

Tommy walked into the bedroom trembling with anger. He felt his anger increase when he saw Jude calmly putting her clothes back on, not even looking at him. She leaned down to get her bra when her arms were grabbed by Tommy. "_What?" "Is it mine_?" Jude looked up at him, surprising him with the lack of emotion in her eyes. "_Maybe. Maybe not_." She smiled up at him wickedly and removed herself from his grip. Tommy grabbed her arm again, forcing her to look up at him. "_Who else's could it be?_" She sighed, as if bored. _"I don't know. A guy from the bar the other night? Who knows."_ Jude looked back down at her hands. "_You think you can let go? Bruises don't go with my outfit_." _"Take it back."_ Jude frowned _"Excuse me?"_ He gritted his teeth as he repeated himself "_Take-it-back-**NOW**_" Jude took a step back and he moved closer to her. Keeping her voice steady she wasn't going to back down. "_Why should I? It's not like we're together_." He looked at her in desperation. "_Then what are we doing Jude? What is this?" "We're just having fun Tommy."_ Those words caused a stir of angry inside him. Reaching down between them he picked up the rest of her clothes, throwing them into her face. _"Fine. You want to play it that way_?" Tommy walked over to his dresser and pulled out a twenty dollar bill then crushed it into Jude's hand. "_Don't let the door hit you on the way out_." He then turned and walked into his bathroom, picture frames falling to the floor as he slammed the door shut.

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Jude looked up at the building in front of her. She knew she shouldn't be here. It wasn't something she ever thought she would be doing. Brushing her conscience away, she confidently pulled the front door open and walked inside. A kind looking woman looked up from her desk and smiled "_Hello. What can I do for you today?"_ Jude thought it was ironic that this woman looked so happy when she worked in a place filled with death. Clearing her throat Jude responded, "_I'd like to have an abortion_." She felt like throwing up as soon as the words had come out of her mouth. The receptionist nodded and handed Jude a clipboard. "_Fill this out and someone will come to see you as soon as possible_." Holding the clipboard, Jude slowly walked to the waiting area, doubt following every step.

Two hours later Jude left the clinic. Calmly getting into the taxi, she gave the driver directions to her apartment. Staring out the window she tried every way possible not to look down at the papers in her hands. Every memory from the past two years rushed past her eyes and she felt the nausea return at full force. Clutching her hand to her mouth she tapped on the glass "_**PULL OVER**_." She didn't even wait for the car to come to a complete stop when she opened the door, getting sick all over the sidewalk.

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_**Ring Ring**_

Tommy reached over to the night stand and picked up his cellphone. _**'Jude's Cell calling'**_ He frowned and rubbed his eyes. He was obviously seeing things. He stared at the phone in wonder until it stopped ringing. Relief came to him until the phone began to ring again. This time he answered. "_What?"_ He was greeted with silence. Sighing he closed his eyes, "_Jude I know it's you_." He was about to hang up the phone when he heard a noise at the other end. Sitting up on his bed, his heart began to beat faster. "_Jude?" "T-Tommy" "Yeah?" "T-Tommy"_ His protective side suddenly trumped his anger. She needed him, he knew that much for certain. "_I'm coming over right now. Stay right there_." Tommy quickly picked up his keys and rushed out the door.

Tommy looked through her door. He thought the worst when he found the front door completely ajar. "_Jude?" _Nothing. His heart started to race._"Jude where are you?" "Here_" Tommy found her sitting on the couch in the dark. Flipping on the lights he knelt in front of her, not expecting to see her crying. She stopped showing emotion a long time ago. "_Jude? What's wrong? Why are you crying_?" Jude silently handed him the papers she had on her lap. "_What's this?"_ Tommy frowned as he began to look at the papers. Standing up, he felt his anger return at full force "_**YOU WENT WHERE?"**_ Jude burst into tears. He dropped the papers and lifted Jude by her shoulders. She refused to look into his eyes "_**JUDE! WHAT DID YOU DO**_?!" He shook her twice before she broke down in tears. "_**NOTHING**_!" she yelled, looking into his face. "_**I DID NOTHING!**_" His fingers let her go as she sunk down onto the floor. Curling into a ball, she began to sob. Tommy sat next to Jude, his back to the couch. They sat there in silence; Jude in a ball, Tommy hugging his knees. He picked up the ultrasound picture from the floor and stared at it. They didn't notice when it happened, but suddenly Tommy's hand was caressing her back as she cried.


	4. Here and Now

_**Here and now**_

They had been sitting side by side in silence. Backs to the couch, staring straight ahead. Time seemed to have no meaning as the moon came and went across the night sky, making space for the beginning of dawn. How did they get so messed up? The first Instant Star and an ex-boybander.

_"I couldn't do it_" Her voice croaked, sore from crying. Tommy turned to look at her. "_I couldn't do it_" She repeated, looking at him with fresh tears coming down her face. "_Shh."_ He pressed his forehead against hers, tears also adorning his face. "_It's okay Jude. We'll be okay_." She looked up into his face and he could see that cold steel she used to protect herself. Standing up, she walked into the kitchen and splashed some water on her face. Tommy leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed in front of him. _"So that's it_?" Jude faced him "_What?"_ He scoffed "_You're unbelievable_." Jude scratched her arm nervously "_You shouldn't have come here. It was a mistake. I'm sorry for calling you_." He stared at her in disbelief as she walked past him into the living room. He turned on his heels. This wasn't going to happen again.

"_No."_ Jude turned around "_Excuse me?" "I'm not leaving until you talk to me Jude. We need to talk about this." "Tommy, I don't want to talk. I'm tired." "What and you think I'm not?"_ He moved closer to her. _"I'm tired of this. I'm tired of you cutting me off from how you feel. I'm tired of always being there for you when you're never there for me. I'm tired of what we have become. I can't do this anymore Jude. All you think about is yourself_." Jude smiled wickedly at him "_Myself? All those 'visits' I've made were by myself"_ She then chucked to herself "_Oh right. You seemed to have been there too_." Tommy clutched her shoulders "_Do you really think that's what I wanted?" "Isn't it what all guys want? All the sex they want with no strings attached?"_ Tommy shook his head "_That's not what I wanted Jude_." She walked away from him "_I didn't hear you say no Tommy." "What else did you expect me to say Jude? You were the only woman I had ever loved. I didn't want to turn you away and watch you hang all over some other guy. I was trying to get as much of you as I could."_ She had stopped in the middle of floor, back still facing him. He took this as a good sign and tenderly stepped closer to her. "_Talk to me Jude_." She spun around "_Talk to you? Talk to about what? What do you want me to say Tommy huh?" "Tell me anything Jude!" "I can't stand being around you!"_ That was the last thing he expected to hear come from her mouth. "_Being around you hurts too much_." He was confused. "_Then what have these past few weeks been?" _Jude shook her head "_Not a game Tommy. Just sex. I can't handle anything more than that with you." "That's gonna be kinda hard now that we have a baby on the way." "I can't keep this baby Tommy_." She sat on the couch and covered her face with her palms. _"But I can't get rid of it either." "Jude, why can't you have this baby? Would it be so terrible if we had a baby together?" "Yes it would. It would be the worst thing in the world." "Jude, how can you say that?" "Because I'd end up killing it."_

All color drained from his face. "_What are you talking about Jude?" " It's my fault."_ Jude blurted out. _"Our baby died because I was a bad person_." Suddenly it all came together. For years she'd been living with the guilt that her actions had killed their unborn child. That guilt caused her to alienate everyone she had known. Tommy sighed and moved closer to Jude. Placing a hand on either side of her face he stared into her eyes. "_You are not a bad person Jude." "I cheated on my HUSBAND and got pregnant with another man's child Tommy! What kind of person does that? Our baby died because I was being punished_." Tommy pulled her into a hug "_Jude that's not true. Things like this happen. It doesn't mean you were a bad person."_ Jude broke down in his arms. Years of guilt and anger flowed out of her as she cried into his shoulder. After awhile Tommy felt her go weak in his arms. "_Come on_." He crouched down and picked her up bridal style to her bedroom. Placing her gently in the bed, he took off his shoes and jacket and slipped in next to her on the bed. Jude instantly pressed her back into his chest and Tommy wrapped his arms around her. Tommy couldn't help but notice that this was the first time they were in bed together without having sex first and nothing felt better.


	5. What Was Almost Lost

_**Here it is, the last part! Hoped you like it!

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**_Tommy rolled over and stared at her. Beautiful blonde hair, cascading around her head like an angel's halo, was shining in the sunlight. He watched as his fingers, gently as so not to wake her, began to trace her face. He felt as if he had been given a goddess to love. He momentarily stopped his exploration when he felt her begin to stir. In sleep, she had moved herself closer to his own body. Chest to chest, Tommy couldn't help but smile at the way she felt against him. No one would ever make him feel this way again. "_Tommy_" came his name, moaned softly, from her pink perfect lips. Tommy closed his eyes, making sure to memorize every single moment. Tommy looked back down at her face and watched as her eyes fluttered open.

Jude felt two strong arms wrapped around her body. She secretly allowed herself more time to savor the moment. She didn't want him to know that she was awake. Finally, she opened her eyes and looked up at Tommy. His face had a small smile on his face but he said nothing. "_Why can't I stay like this forever_?"

Tommy chuckled softly and leaned down to kiss her lips gently. "_Because you have to get Lucy ready for school_." Jude groaned and buried her face into his chest. "_Why me_?" Tommy ran his fingers up and down her back. _"Because babe, you lost the bet." "Tommy. Please can you do it?"_ Jude rolled on top of him, straddling his hips. Smiling seductively she began to run her hands up and down his chest, making sure to start going lower and lower with each passing stroke. _"I'll make it worth your while_." Just as she was about to move her hands even lower, Tommy stopped her. He smiled and brought her hands to his lips. "_As tempting as that is, it's not gonna work Jude. Now go get Lucy ready_." Jude collapsed forward onto Tommy, her hands underneath his back and her head on his chest. "_But I'm so comfortable. You wouldn't possible make a pregnant woman uncomfortable now would you?_" Jude bit her lip as she finished her sentence.

As soon as the words had left her mouth she felt his body tense up. Slowly, she raised her head to look at his face. Tommy stared down at her, _"Pregnant?"_ She nodded "_Five weeks." "Pregnant?!_" Tommy exclaimed. Jude began to laugh "_Yeah. I-"_ She was cut off by Tommy's lips. He pressed her body closer to his, as if they couldn't get close enough. Pulling back, Tommy looked up at Jude as he pushed her hair behind her ear, still missing some hairs that began to tickle his face. "_I love you."_ She smiled _"I love you too_." Sharing another kiss, they didn't hear their bedroom door open. "_Mommy? Daddy? What are you doing?_" Standing in the doorway was their five year old daughter Lucy. Jude rolled off of Tommy _"I was just telling your Daddy 'Good Morning'" "Can I tell Daddy 'Good Morning' too?" "Sure you can baby. Come on up_." Jude patted the bed and Lucy crawled up. Jude tried to hide her laughter as Lucy plopped down onto Tommy's chest. "_Good Morning Daddy_!" Lucy then leaned forward and kissed Tommy on the nose. Tommy laughed and hugged his daughter. "_Good morning to you too Diamond."_ Jude frowned _"What? Doesn't mommy get a 'Good morning?'"_ Lucy smiled _"Of course Mommy_." Lucy leapt off of Tommy and onto Jude's lap hugging her fiercely. "_Lucy, baby? Why don't you go to your room and pick out an outfit you want to wear today."_ Lucy's face lit up _"All by myself?" Jude nodded "All by yourself_." Jude didn't have to tell her twice. Lucy quickly jumped off the bed and ran to her room. _"I'll be there in five minutes to help you_." Jude yelled after her before going back to hugging Tommy, savoring the last few moments of the morning.

"_She's exactly like you, you know that?"_ Tommy said to her. Jude chuckled "_Only by looks. The attitude is a different story_." They both looked at each other. "_Sadie_." They said in unison. Laughing they settled back into each other's arms. "_I can't believe I let you name her after a song about drugs_." Tommy laughed "_Well I wanted to keep going with the Beatle's tradition. I know your father loves it. Not to mention I was hooked the moment I saw her_." Jude kissed him "_I love you." "Ditto._" _"Who are you, Patrick Swayze_?" Tommy chuckled and closed his eyes, pulling her closer to him. Nothing felt better than when they just held each other in bed. "_Mmmmm_." Jude smiled up at her husband."_Ditto_."

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_**Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star or its characters. I do own the story and new characters. Fic was inspired by Fuel's "Shimmer"**_


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